A woman who married her partner abroad and away from their respective families was shocked to receive an unexpected text from her new mother-in-law.
However, the biggest surprise came with the content of the message itself.
Elopement is something many couples have considered as a means of cutting the costs associated with a traditional wedding. In 2022, a survey of 1,000 unmarried U.S. couples commissioned by Helzberg Diamonds found 62 percent were open to the idea of eloping in order to save money.
There are other reasons for choosing to do so, however, as Kathleen Pawelski’s example demonstrates. She met her American husband, Ethan, while he was stationed with the military in Germany, where she lived at the time with her son Emilio from a previous relationship. They wed in unconventional circumstances in October 2022.
“We got married in the most unromantic by Proxy Montana,” Pawelski told Newsweek, though she did add that Ethan “went down on one knee to ask” as is the tradition.
“Proxy Montana” is a term that refers to a legal process for marriage where neither party is physically present in the state.
It’s something that is uniquely allowed in Montana, although it requires at least one of the happy couple to be a Montana resident or an active duty military member. A proxy couple stands in their place during the official ceremony.
Ethan’s military status allowed them to wed. Though it might have involved significantly less expenditure than a traditional wedding, it was not without its own hurdles.
“We needed to gather our military IDs, my husband’s orders, his military record and a signed paper of his command that he was not married at the time and then of course birth certificate from both of us and our passports,” Pawelski said.
“This all you send to the office located in Montana (USA) and then they send you paperwork to fill out. The paperwork included forms explaining that two random people in Montana (the proxies) will marry us in our name without us being present there.”
Four weeks after signing and sending off the relevant documents, Pawelski received an email congratulating them and informing her the marriage certificate had been signed. A couple of weeks later, she received further confirmation by post.
Though unconventional, that confirmation was a special moment for both husband and wife. “When I got the email saying that we were officially married and called my husband right away,” Pawelski said. “Like me, he was so excited and told all his companions that he was married now and bought himself a ring right away at the store they had there.”
But while the happy couple were ecstatic, Pawelski recalls her own family took some placating. “My parents are more traditional and were sad we didn’t have a ceremony right away,” she said. “We have started to plan for one at the end of the year, when we have been married for four years.”
Pawelski was nervous about how Ethan’s family would react. Particularly her new mother-in-law. “She knew me only over a few phone calls from her son, we never texted privately before,” she said. Pawelski and Ethan had not been together very long before they tied the knot, so she wondered what her new relative might make of it all.
Then, just after they had married, she got a text from her. It blew her away. “I am so blessed to have you as a daughter-in-law and Emilio as a grandson,” it said. “You and Emilio will be so loved by our family and if you ever need anything please let us know.”
“When I first saw the message I was so relieved,” Pawelski said. “That was the first time she herself reached out to me and I was so happy she was not mad.”
Pawelski’s mother-in-law told her she was “excited to meet you both one day in person.” That meeting has happened in the years since Pawelski and Ethan tied the knot, with the happy couple flying to the U.S. to not only meet everyone but confirm that they were expecting a child together.
“Since then we have been really close,” Pawelski said. “She is like a second mom to me and we share everything.” It all started with that text. It’s a moment Pawelski has never forgotten and one that went viral in a TikTok video shared under the handle @kat.pwsk.
It’s a clip that has been viewed 1 million times on the platform. “I saw a lot of posts here from horrible mother-in-laws,” Pawelski said. “There is inspiration out there like my mother-in-law though. She’s different.”
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