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Before we were married, my wife, Vicky, gave me a water bottle inscribed with the logo of the financial firm where she works. She knows I love water bottles, but this one weighed a million pounds and didn’t fit in my bike’s water bottle cage. Also, did I mention the logo?I’m not an ingrate, so I said, “Thanks, babe.” Then I put that bottle in the drawer with the others and haven’t used it in the 18 years we’ve been married. Vicky sucks at giving gifts. I caught on to this early and after a few rough years, I took over.…

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