A woman who always dreamed of having a big family has revealed why her perspective shifted over time and now she’s choosing to stop after just one child.
When she was younger, Maria Golikova imagined herself married, living in a picturesque home, and with at least three children. But after becoming a mom 11 years ago, everything changed and she realized that fairytale wasn’t actually her dream.
Golikova, 36, who resides in Istanbul, Turkey, told Newsweek that she started to experience “mixed feelings” about motherhood after her son, Mark, was born. It was far more challenging than she imagined, and she began to question the future she once envisioned.
“On the one hand, becoming a mom was the most important and happiest event of my life, and the kind of love that opened up in me is very hard to put into words,” Golikova said. “But along with that came constant anxiety, sleepless nights, and many different thoughts and fears. In the first years of motherhood, I was experiencing the greatest happiness and, at the same time, the greatest challenge of my life.”
Around the same time when Golikova welcomed her son, one of her friends also became a mom. Golikova recalls a conversation they had when her friend insisted that she didn’t want any more children, and that was an eye-opening moment for Golikova.
Indeed, it helped Golikova realize that she didn’t need to have any more children if she doesn’t want to, and it is perfectly acceptable to change your mind. That mindset shift helped Golikova understand how she was feeling and she was able to discuss it with her husband, Igor, 40. She couldn’t have been more grateful for his understanding and empathy.
“I have many concerns about having more children. Some of them are very personal and connected to my mental and physical well-being, as well as our family’s financial situation. There is also the instability of the world we live in. My husband understands that, as the mother, I carry a very big emotional and mental load, so my feelings and experience naturally play a central role in that decision,” Golikova said.
It was liberating for Golikova to finally accept what she wants. She no longer feels external pressure to have more children, and if people do ever question her choice, it doesn’t affect her anymore. She has come to see that nobody else knows her life better than herself, and she’s confident in her decision.
Having one child enables Golikova and her husband to give their all to their 11-year-old son. The millennial mom is so grateful for every moment she gets to spend with her son, who she says is “happy being an only child” and has never asked for a sibling.
Golikova started sharing her experience on social media (@moncherie.mari on Instagram) as a way to document her feelings about being a mother of one. An Instagram Reel highlighting the nine reasons why she will only ever have one child has gone viral, generating over 4.9 million views at the time of writing.
The nine reasons Golikova listed for not having more children are that most of the parenting load falls on her, she’s hyper responsible, there’s constant anxiety, she’s afraid of having a child with special needs, concerns about the impact on her physical health, the financial cost of more children, she doesn’t receive help from relatives, the overwhelmingly responsibility of parenting, and finally, she doesn’t want to impact the bond she has with her son.
The online response to the video is beyond anything Golikova anticipated, and it made her see just how much her message resonates with other parents. She told Newsweek that she was “honestly surprised” by the positive reaction, and she hopes it will only serve to empower other parents facing something similar.
Golikova said: “Thousands of women told me they felt the same way. Many also said that reading it helped them realize they do not have to live according to society’s expectations—that they can look honestly at themselves, their situation, and ask whether they truly want children, and how many.
“I know many women who made the decision to have children, not because they truly wanted to, but because of the idealized picture they once had. I would say, listen only to yourself and stop looking around at what others are doing. You do not need to prove anything to anyone. Live your life the way that feels right for you.”
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