A new social media buzzword is putting a name to a practice that will be very familiar to some: “recreational arguing.”
Emmaline Dyer (@emmaleendryer), 29, from Dallas, Texas, first came across the term while scrolling TikTok,where it was used in reference to the notion that playing board games without people willing to “recreationally argue” was less fun.
Dyer agreed. For her, watching people get animated over something as trivial as a game is part of the entertainment, and she enjoys a debate. But she sddenly realized it might not be making the best impression.
“Seeing that video, something clicked for me,” she told Newsweek. “All of the times I tried and failed to make friends with what I thought was well-meaning fun finally made sense.”
Across TikTok, users coming across the term fall into two camps—those, like Dyer, who believe a bit of good-natured disagreement is a sort of intellectual workout that adds to the fun, and those more like the people she may have encountered, who are put off by the sense of confrontation. Experts told Newsweek that both outlooks are valid, and recreational arguing—if done respectfully—can in fact be a positive practice.
Recreational arguers explain
Dyer grew up in a household where “because I said so” wasn’t an answer.
“If I needed to know the reason for a rule or expectation, my dad told me. If I felt it was unfair, I told him.”
Whether you call it recreational arguing, debate, or a heated discussion, she sees it as “mental stretching or logical calisthenics,” with the goal of understanding the other person’s perspective.
She believes practicing recreational arguing prepared her for tackling deeper values as an adult.
“Lower-stakes arguments as a kid where I might have to defend the actions of a cartoon character, gave me the framework for developing my own beliefs.”
Now, she’s more aware of the time and place for her spirited style—but has no intention of giving it up entirely.
“I think this is a good trait that’s served me well in developing my sense of self, and I like myself.”
Dyer’s TikTok video about the discussion received over 4 million views, and she is not the only person going viral with the topic.
For @troublewiththetippetts, a mother of three, recreational arguing has always been part of family life.
“Apparently, it’s not normal to share your opinions with each other and bounce back off of each other to learn the other person’s opinion and learn more about the whole subject as a whole,” she said in a TikTok video, which garnered over 100,000 views.
She also said noticed moments where others have taken her curiosity as hostility. “I was like, oh, I’m not arguing with you. I just am super curious about your thoughts, so I can further understand what you’re saying.”
For her, this back-and-forth is simply how people learn and a fundamental part of conversation, she explained in the clip.
What The Experts Say
Christina Muller, a licensed clinical social worker and a workplace mental health expert, told Newsweek that the difference between feeling energized and depleted by an argument often comes down to tone.
“Our brain avoids conflict as a means of survival—a still often-used primal response. So if you’re not on the defensive, you’re more likely to hear other perspectives. And the key? Curiosity. Use phrases like ‘I wonder’ or ‘I’m curious’ at the gate to cue openness. This can help build connection and expand perspectives in a way the other person can reciprocate,” she said.
Child and adolescent psychiatrist Mark Banschick also sees recreational arguing as a valuable cultural skill.
He told Newsweek he believes that as a society we have lost “the ability to talk through difference. To simply disagree and have a good argument. Even with little heat.”
He explained, “In order to have civility in a culture and a marketplace of ideas, there must be trust that relationships can survive disagreement. Otherwise a marriage can’t work. And business partnerships will inevitably fail. And brothers and sisters will have a hard time staying true to each other.”
He believes it builds “basic trust”—the sense that relationships can survive disagreement — and can prepare people for navigating more serious conflicts.
Senior psychotherapist Daren Banarsë describes the practice as “verbal play-fighting”—intellectual sparring for mutual enjoyment.
“When done with mutual understanding and respect, it’s remarkably healthy. It sharpens your cognitive flexibility, reduces your stress through laughter, and actually strengthens relationships by creating shared moments of engagement,” he told Newsweek.
Upbringing, Banarsë explains, plays a major role in growing up to be a recreational arguer. Families that model healthy disagreement teach children that conflict doesn’t mean the end of a relationship. Those from volatile homes may see any disagreement as a threat. He advises both sides to communicate openly and respect each other’s limits.
Dr Pamela Walters, medical director and consultant psychiatrist at Eulas, agrees that it can be a healthy way to communicate.
She told Newsweek: “For some people, I do think it can be a genuinely positive way for them to test ideas, stretch their thinking, and engage with others without the emotional weight that a serious disagreement can carry.”
However, for others, any disagreement can trigger discomfort or anxiety, depending on their upbringing and culture.
“Recreational arguing should remain light and consensual and the moment it tips into genuine frustration for either party, it stops being recreational and starts becoming conflict,” she added.
TikTok’s Split Verdict
As the concept picked up steam, TikTok users expressed a range of views on the topic.
“I think recreational argument people are energy vampires,” said one user, Kat. Another, Eboni, added: “It’s so stressful for someone who does not do recreational arguing.”
Others see the term as a revelation. “I have never heard the term recreational arguing before but this is the perfect explanation for why I enjoy a good debate and other people hate me for it,” shared one commenter.
For some, it’s all about keeping it light. “Recreational arguing, but it’s obvious, like we don’t do it for politics, but we will argue about whether the children’s toy is blue green or green blue, or whether dinosaurs had feathers,” said another.
But not everyone is convinced. “I can’t stand someone who alwayyysssss wants to argue,” said Kristina. “It ends up coming across like I can’t say anything without being corrected… I’m a grown woman I don’t need to be corrected every time I open my mouth.”
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