A woman who is child-free by choice has sparked online debate after saying her sisters blocked her after she spoke about her decision not to have children.
In a Reddit post, u/Top_Water_3544, detailed a housewarming gathering where her choice became the focus of a tense conversation with two of her siblings.
The original poster’s (OP) reasoning, which touched on the high likelihood of genetic disabilities in their family, caused a rift, leading her sisters to block her on social media and her mother to uninvite her from Christmas.
In the post, the 28-year-old woman, who says she has no children and a successful career, hosted her family at her new home. As the evening went on, her sisters broached the subject of settling down and having kids, asking why she was not interested.
The OP explained that she valued her freedom and did not want to take on the sacrifices required for parenting—especially considering her family’s history of physical and mental disabilities, which she said she felt would make parenting especially challenging for her.
Newsweek reached out to u/Top_Water_3544 for comment via Reddit.
Her explanation was met with shock from her two sisters, both described as stay-at-home moms to multiple children with disabilities.
“From everything I said, the only thing they listened to was about not wanting a disabled child. They went on a spiral about how much of a blessing their kids are, how I am an egotistical b**** and so much more,” the OP wrote.
“They blocked me on social media and aren’t answering me in the family group chat. My mom called to give me a speech about how my disabled brother … was a blessing in her life, how he is a gift from God, and uninvited me from Christmas because my sisters won’t come if I come.”
Redditors immediately voiced their support for the OP.
One user, u/wheelartist, wrote that people should never feel obligated to have children. “Not wanting kids is a valid choice, not wanting them because there is a high risk of disability which means inevitable struggles, plus could be incredibly unfair to the child is also valid,” they wrote. “A lot of people fuss about how not wanting a disabled child is ableist without addressing that the chief reason is we live in an ableist society that begrudges even basic rights for disabled children and adults.”
Another user, u/Hazel2468, agreed: “There is also a MASSIVE difference between, ‘I will not love my child if my kid is disabled’ and ‘I know I am not equipped to handle a disabled child, so I am not having any children at all.'”
An Expert Opinion
Newsweek spoke to Dr. Maya Weir, a clinical psychologist and founder of Thriving California, about the broader implications of the OP’s story.
“The issue of whether or not to have a child because of genetics is highly personal, as is the decision to have children at all,” Dr. Weir said. “Each person needs to decide for themselves and is entitled to their own choice. If a parent assesses that it is too much for them to have a child, then they are owning what their personal capacity is, and that is OK.”
Dr. Weir also said that while the OP’s siblings might have felt hurt, her decision did not invalidate their choices to raise children with disabilities.
“In terms of repair, it’s important for the woman to tell her siblings that she loves them and her nieces and nephews,” she said. “She is happy they have the children they do and that her choice not to have children has nothing to do with them.”
By emphasizing that her decision was not a critique of their lives, the OP could potentially ease family tensions and better communicate her values, Dr. Weir added.
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