DEAR ABBY: My husband and I walk around a local lake three times a week. We met another couple there who seemed pleasant until the husband tried to give me his doctor’s name so I could “Get that ‘thing’ removed.” (“That thing” being the beauty mark next to my smile.) I told him I wasn’t interested.
The next time we met, he brought it up again. The third time he raised the subject, he told me most people would get mad at him for his advice, but “You’re tough, you can take it.” The last three times we’ve run into them, he has questioned my body language. “What’s going on with your hands?” “Why are you doing that with your fingers?” “Look at you! You look like you’re ready to strangle me.” Or he’ll comment on my clothing: “What are those, socks?”
Abby, I am not thin-skinned, but I’ve had enough. This guy smiles and laughs, amusing himself while making me uncomfortable. I’ve begun to walk past the couple while smiling and wishing them a pleasant day.
Yesterday, the man called out, “Stop!” I continued, but my husband paused to talk. I find the man to be obnoxious, but he clearly thinks I’m the one with bad behavior. I see this escalating into a real problem, and I’d like to avoid trouble. The only way to quietly solve this is to find somewhere else to walk in the morning. My husband disagrees.
Abby, what is the best way to handle this? I no longer look forward to our morning walks. Just because I’m “tough and can take it” doesn’t mean I should be subjected to his teasing. I’m becoming the bad guy in this scenario, and I don’t like it. Please advise. — AVOIDING IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR AVOIDING: You are not the bad guy. Frankly, the man seems a little off. You are not required to interact with anyone who makes you uncomfortable. If your husband wants to chat with him, he should do it when you are not present. If he isn’t sensitive enough to recognize that, you should keep walking or find another route.
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are in our 70s. We are in reasonably good shape. That said, I have hip replacements, and my knees and hips have become sore from the stairs I must climb every day. We have a lovely large home, but I know it’s time to move to senior living like my many friends who are making the transition now.
My husband ignores my entreaties. “I will leave this house only feet first,” he retorts every time I say the stairs are too much for me. Abby, I bring my clothes downstairs in a bag every day to avoid another climb. I am making every accommodation I can and am now considering divorce as an option.
The bottom line is, my husband is a selfish old man. Every social group he belongs to and the beautiful home he refuses to leave have all been my doing. I have also been an equal breadwinner. Forget counseling. He has a counseling degree. Have any advice? — END OF MY ROPE IN MICHIGAN
DEAR END: I sure do, and it’s going to cost your selfish husband a bundle. Start pricing stair chair lifts or small elevators for your lovely large home. If your husband is reluctant, point out that it will be cheaper than a divorce.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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