Gail Rudnick and Kim Murstein — the no-nonsense hosts of hit podcast series “Excuse My Grandma” — are The Post’s brand-new advice columnists.
From family feuds to friendship fallouts, money, marriage and sex, there’s no topic too taboo to tackle, and the native New Yorkers will hash out each issue from their differing perspectives to tell the tough-love truth — and you’ll thank them for it.
To get your questions answered, head to nypost.com/ema and drop them a note about what you need sorted.
Dear Excuse My Advice,
Some of my closest friendships were built around nights out at bars and shared chaos. Now I’m craving quieter, more chill plans. But those friendships don’t really exist outside of drinking. Am I abandoning the people I love, or just growing into a different version of myself?
Grandma Gail: You’re just growing up. It’s not really about going out and drinking and getting drunk and all that stuff.
Now it’s about developing relationships that really are the next chapter of your life. And sometimes those same people will also mature, and be doing the same next thing that you are doing.
But if they don’t, you know what? Those are just casual acquaintances, anyway, that you hooked up with.
Kim: It’s so hard because sometimes you don’t mature at the same level as your friend, and you feel like you owe these people your friendship still, because you went to college together, or you were coworkers or went through some formative time together.
Maybe it’s a childhood friend, but you have nothing in common anymore in those situations. I don’t know how you distance yourself from people if they’re texting and calling and you’re like, I don’t like when we hang out because it’s about drinking and that’s not what I’m into anymore. How do you slowly fade that out?
Grandma Gail: Well, they’re not close friendships. They were bar friendships or they were drinking friendships and they were college friendships.
What you have in college, by and large… sorority sisters are not the people that are going to live next door to you and raise their children with your children. It’s very rare that that happens.
So I wouldn’t worry about it. It’s a part of your life. Those are chapters. They’re passages. And you can’t help it if it changes with the times. That’s growing up. I think you want to keep people around you who fulfill you.
Kim: But maybe it’s like the activity [you] do together is somewhere in the middle. They can come over for dinner one night.
Grandma Gail: Only if it’s really worth it. Sometimes it’s okay to grow into that different version of yourself.
Dear Excuse My Advice,
My best friend and I have known each other for 12 years. One day, I woke up and realized I’m not just in love with her as a friend, but in a deeper sense. Is it okay to tell them, or should I keep those feelings to myself?
Grandma Gail: Well, I think if neither one of you are in a relationship. I think you could say, you know what, I think our friendship is changing. I mean, do it subtly.
Don’t all of a sudden say, you know, I love you, I love you, I can’t live without you. You evidently can’t live without each other if you’re besties. So maybe in a cute way, say that I think my feelings are sort of changing.
Kim: That’s so hard.
Grandma Gail: I know it’s hard, but, you know, I think it does happen because you spend so much time with your best friend. You have to see how they react. But if all of a sudden they push back, then you have to drop it.
Kim: Here’s my thought. If they’re really your best friend, they’re going to be super understanding whether you say that or you don’t. I mean, even if they reciprocate the feelings or not — and hopefully it doesn’t ruin the relationship. But you personally have to be prepared that the relationship could be ruined.
Which is why it’s scary to tell somebody that because it changes this dynamic that’s been so great for so long.
Grandma Gail: They might want it as well. So go for a gamble.
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