A self-proclaimed “devoted granny” has sparked debate online after arguing that it is always the grandparent’s responsibility—not the parents’—to maintain a relationship with their grandchildren.
Helen Green, a grandmother of two aged almost three and six, said children “shouldn’t be the ones to facilitate that relationship,” in a clip on TikTok.
She also urged grandparents to be proactive—offering help, asking to visit and checking in regularly—rather than waiting to be asked or placing the burden on busy parents.
Green, a retired police officer from southwest England, told Newsweek that her opinion comes from personal experience.
“My parents always prioritized their own lives and routines, and they never once actively asked to spend time with my children,” she explained.
Over time, that lack of effort translated into emotional distance. “There was a lack of bond, a lack of closeness and ultimately a lack of joy in that grandparent and grandchild relationship,” she added.
By contrast, her in-laws consistently showed up—asking to help, making time and investing in their grandchildren’s lives. Years later, the impact of those choices is still evident.
Her now-adult children share a deep connection with their father’s parents, while their relationship with her own parents remains “polite but distant.”
That experience shaped her belief that parenting responsibilities do not end once children grow up. “Your role as a parent doesn’t come with an expiry date—it lasts for your entire life,” Green said. “Being present in your grandchildren’s lives is simply a natural extension of that role.”
Green’s clip is going viral on TikTok with more than 2 million views. In the comments, reactions were divided.
Many users supported the idea that if grandparents wanted to make the effort they would, calling it a “two-way street.”
“Even if the grandchild is 65 the adult is who is the eldest: the parent or the grandparent are the ones to keep the contact,” one commented.
Another said she initially felt hurt when her daughter changed her work schedule and needed her less. But she was delighted when her grandson later asked when he could stay over—and even suggested Mother’s Day should be for grandmothers too.
However, others disagreed with Green’s take. One mom argued that parents should lead decisions about raising their children. She added that while she’s always available to support, she’s careful not to take control.
Another grandparent said that it’s easy to overstep. She explained that respecting boundaries is essential, adding that her children and their partners prefer no interference, and that each situation is different.
Green also pushed back on the idea that grandparents have paid their caregiving dues and ae now entering an era to focus on themselves.
“No one is asking grandparents to raise their grandchildren,” she said. “It’s about being there, offering support, showing interest and making time. In doing that, you are not only helping your children, you are also creating meaningful, lasting relationships with the next generation.”
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