What’s this, then? A miniature Yorkshire pudding with roast beef and horseradish cream. Would I like one? Well, thanks for asking. I am just in the middle of a conversation with two people I don’t know about a book I haven’t read by an author I’ve never heard of, so your interruption is impeccably timed.
But no, of course, I don’t want one because who accepts a canape at a party? Ah, I spoke too soon; the woman to my left has decided to brave it. Good for her! Wait, would she like a napkin? Now that you’ve offered, she must take the napkin, but with the food in her left hand and a drink in her right, a high-stakes transfer is under way.
The sooner we ban canapés, the better off we’ll all be.
Credit: Michael Howard
The canape joins the drink in her right hand, leaving the left free to receive the napkin and clutch it awkwardly. Success! We all sigh in relief until she takes a bite, and horseradish cream spills down the front of her dress, which, frankly, is my cue to leave. “Just popping to the bar, everyone right for a drink?”
Ah, canapes, you bite-sized little burden. You elegantly served parcel-of-inelegance. You tasty missile pretending to be a tasty morsel. You … get my drift.
From weddings to gallery openings, milestone birthdays to corporate networking sessions, there’s not a fancy event that the stress of navigating canapes hasn’t ruined.
As a general rule, I avoid them at all costs for the reasons listed above and because I have a long-held belief that eating and standing up is embarrassing. Instead, I make a point of filling up beforehand so I can spend the rest of the evening saying the magic words: “I’m OK, thanks!”
In a fun twist, though, the word “canape” originates from the French word for “sofa,” a reference to how a topping sits on a piece of bread, much like a person on a couch.
The term was first used in a culinary sense in the 18th century when small, decorative finger foods became popular at aristocratic gatherings in France.
Ironically, a sofa would solve all my problems, yet canapes must be consumed while upright, preferably making small talk.
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