DEAR ABBY: My husband’s stepmother passed recently after a long illness, and her children specifically wanted our family, including our 2-year-old, to be at her service. When we arrived at the church, I tried to sit in the back pew so I could take her out when she was antsy, but they put us in front with the rest of the family.
Predictably, we lasted there for only about 30 minutes before my daughter started being disruptive. I took her out to the vestibule where she had a tantrum, so I then took her down into the basement playroom.
Immediately after the funeral, my in-laws came after me and berated me for “ruining” the video they had professionally produced of the service. They said that not only can you see us exiting the sanctuary, but you can hear my daughter making noise outside, which messed up the recording for everyone.
There are many parts of this I don’t understand, like why there is a recording, but I’m not sure what to do next. I have apologized for not insisting we sit in the back. Other than not attending at all, I think I did what I could to reduce our impact. If it matters, my older kids sat nicely through the whole 90-minute service. Advice? — DISRUPTER IN IDAHO
DEAR DISRUPTER: It is not unusual for there to be sound and video recording at funerals. Some are streamed on the internet for folks who can’t be there in person.
The problem with 20/20 hindsight is that it isn’t foresight. Yes, you should have spoken up and reminded your in-laws about how short a 2-year-old’s attention span is, and yes, they should have taken that into consideration before berating you. Even so, when viewed from a different perspective, the sound of a young child at that sad time, although distracting, may have been a reminder that life renews itself even in the presence of death.
DEAR ABBY: I’m 42 and in the midst of a separation. My husband of 19 years decided he didn’t want to be married anymore. We have three children, one of whom is disabled. My husband made us sell the house we lived in, and since then, I have purchased a new one.
I’m having a very hard time moving on. Since our separation, he constantly goes on trips, and I’m feeling extremely abandoned. I don’t know how I’m supposed to move on. I’m so tired all the time. Please help. — FROZEN IN COLORADO
DEAR FROZEN: You have my sympathy. Your husband is flying around free as a bird, and you have been left with a huge responsibility. Your tiredness is likely a symptom of depression. Fortunately, there is help for it in the form of talk therapy as well as medication. Please discuss this with your doctor. Once you are feeling more like yourself, discuss this whole scenario with an attorney who specializes in family law and can guide you further. You are still a young woman, and your life is not over.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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