For some singles, going on dates is simply about having a lively night out with no long-term plans.
But for Big Apple romantics, the “it’s not you, it’s me” texts still sting — especially when a seemingly great date lasts for hours on end.
Dedicated dudes are going on “marathon dates”— epic, romantic odysseys lasting from four to a whopping 10 hours, if not more.
They get dinner, grab drinks, gallivant around the city — and then get ghosted by the gals.
Now, they’re wasting no time airing their gripes.
Jose, a pilot from Queens, told The Post of being set back well over $900 after taking a lucky lady on a five-hour, private day flight to Niagara Falls — only to discover soon after that she’d blocked him without a word.
“My heart was shattered for, like, a week, but my wallet hasn’t recovered yet,” the 23-year-old said of the mother of all marathon dates that started with an “instant click” after matching on Hinge.
Equally puzzling: “She told me she hates the concept of ghosting, and how it’s lame,” Jose lamented.
Other grousing gents are venting about their experiences publicly on TikTok and beyond.
Shane Vassar — a photographer who moved to NYC from the Bay Area earlier this year — told The Post that a recent first date lasted more than eight hours.
For reference, that’s twice the average time it takes to actually run a marathon.
The Chelsea resident, 27, and his better Hinge half began their West Village rendezvous with coffee and Italian pastries — and barely any awkward lapses in conversation, he said.
“We got a bottle of wine, and then four hours later, we were still talking,” Vassar recalled.
The pair then packed up and kept the party going, all the way to Brooklyn cafe Misfits Kava — one of his favorite low-key spots, where they hung out on a back-garden hammock, chatting and cuddling up under a starless sky.
They moved on to another neighborhood hangout, where they “got drinks but we didn’t even finish them because we were too busy talking,” he said, after which he walked her home, “holding hands all the way back to her place in Bedford.”
He got home shockingly late — at 4 a.m., when he texted her thanks for a great night — and went to bed.
He woke up to a brutal “We’re not a match” message from his fickle female friend.
“That was my first marathon date in a couple of years, and so that took me for a whirlwind,” he said. “That’s crazy.”
Despite the snub, Vassar found a plus side — he picked up 13 new work clients after posting about his viral date on TikTok.
And there’s always more fish in the sea.
“I was disappointed at first. I thought they were my type, fashionable, outgoing,” he shared, “but also, you could say there are a lot of people in NYC who fit that description, so I’m not devastated.”
David, a 29-year-old Bed-Stuy-born artist, confessed to a similar sour fate.
The Hinge user told The Post that he and a woman went to the Museum of Natural History, walked through Central Park, ate ramen and took the train back to Bed-Stuy for a round of nightcaps.
After the date — he claimed it lasted “at least 10 hours” — his match went MIA for two weeks, and then sent the dreaded “I’m not feeling a romantic vibe, but we can be friends” text.
“That’s the last time I plan a day for the first date,” he said.
Going all in with romantic repartee or too many expectations may be the worst move to make, one expert says.
Matchmaker Blaine Anderson recommends limiting a first date to a few hours max, and emphasizes a “go with the flow” mentality.
“Marathon dates are often — if not always — a mistake! Especially if you met someone online, it’s wise to treat a first date like a vibe check,” Anderson told The Post. “Meet up, chat, understand if this is someone you want to spend more time with, and then call it an afternoon (or evening) so you can let your impression gel.”
Either way, you’re facing a reality check.
“If you meet someone and feel such an incredible connection that you’re compelled to drop everything and continue spending time with them, that either means you indeed have an incredible connection (and why not run with it?!), or you have attachment issues and you need to pump the brakes,” she added.
Marathon dates aren’t all doom-and-gloom for some daters, though — some romantics prefer them.
Joony, a 28-year-old living in Staten Island, hasn’t found Mrs. Right just yet, but told The Post that marathon dating “satisfies the lover boy” in him.
“I just love spending that much time because if it’s with someone I was really excited about, like, there have been times I’m giggling and kicking my feet about going on a date with some girl,” said the fitness influencer and Cornell grad who previously worked 90-hour weeks in banking, plus wined and dined women with dinner dates.
“Having the experience of ‘What if she’s the one?’ and spending that many hours together gives you New York City romance movie vibes, like you guys are just doing everything in the city together,” he said.
“The more time a girl spends with you — at least how I justify it in my mind — the more she likes you.”
But Anderson said the city’s hustle and bustle spurs marathon matchups; plus, a modern preoccupation with dating apps makes them far too convenient, and even overwhelming, as others on social media have pointed out.
“Paradox of choice is a real problem,” Anderson says. “Apps like Hinge make singles feel like a better partner is just one more swipe away, and that sensation absolutely feels stronger in a city like New York than anywhere else — because in a literal sense, there are a ton of attractive single people everywhere you look.”
Unfortunately, there’s no guarantee with marathon dates, Anderson said.
“A lot of singles go into first dates preoccupied with what the other person will think of them, which tends to backfire. When you’re worrying about someone else, it’s hard to be present. And you want to be 100% present, so you can enjoy yourself, and actually get to know the person you’re out with,” she said.
Her advice: figure out how you feel about them later.
“How they felt about you isn’t really in your control, and isn’t worth worrying about, especially while you’re on the date.”
Read the full article here
