An LA millionaire has defended her decision to remain childfree, revealing it has benefited her mental health, and says, “I can nap when I want.”
Amie Tollesfrud, 36, says she never felt maternal growing up — she wasn’t interested in holding babies or volunteering to babysit.
When she met her now-husband, Erik Tollesfrud, 42, in her 20s, she told him, “If you want kids, find someone who does — I’m probably not the person for you.”
Although the pair revisit their childfree decision every few years, Amie remains resolute.
She says they have reaped the “benefits” of not having children — they can sleep, travel, and spend time together freely, without having to deal with “loud noises or a messy house”.
The online business course tutor came under fire when she posted a TikTok on March 19 using a sound that said, ‘Imagine coming home from a stressful day at work and there’s someone in your house asking what are we we eating for dinner,’ from women who called her “selfish.”
But she insists she doesn’t “really care what anybody else does” and focuses on building her own “legacy.”
She said: “One of the ways that I don’t think people think about is how much my mental health has benefited. I am overstimulated easily by things like loud noises or a messy house. They can really have a negative impact on my mental health, and so not having to deal with those things is something that I really value.”
“I want to wake up when I choose to, travel when I want to, and nap when I want to. Obviously, you can’t really do that when you have kids. I’ve always really valued my freedom and autonomy to live how I want and spend my days how I want.”
Amie met her husband during her time at Colorado State University when they were 20 and 26, respectively.
At the time, Erik, now a photographer, was working in retail and left his job to support Amie’s business.
Before meeting Erik, Amie hadn’t given much thought to motherhood. It only became a topic of conversation when she met Erik because he was older. When it came up, she told him upfront that she wasn’t interested in having children.
She recalled saying to Erik: “I told him that I’m really young, so I’ll probably change my mind because everyone tells me I will, but I don’t think I want them.” She also added, “If that changes for you and you want to find someone who does want kids, feel free… I’m probably not the person for you.”
At first, Erik needed time to process Amie’s revelation, but he eventually decided that he would rather prioritize his relationship with her than have children. “We are both on the same page. Maybe we will change our minds, but we will revisit this every year or so.”
As each year passes and the decision to be child-free remains intact, the couple reaps the ‘benefits’ of not having children.
“I have the freedom to travel wherever; I have freedom in my schedule, but also just having more money to spend on things that are fun like travel but also going to the spa or going to dinner,” she said.
Unlike some, Amie’s friendships and relationships with her wider family have not been affected by her decision to remain child-free.
“I think most of the time I tell people that I don’t want kids, they think that it’s great that I know myself well enough to make that decision”, she added.
However, Amie has faced backlash online from followers for her lifestyle.
One commenter wrote, “Imagine being old and alone and having no one who loves you unconditionally — seen some wild sad things in high-end old age homes, money has limits.” Another said, “Imagine fearing any responsibility or slightest discomfort.”
Amie finds the obsessive comments about her life choices to be strange. “If you want kids, then go and have them — I’m happy for you. I don’t really care what anybody else does. I think we should all be able to live in our truth and respect each other’s choices.”
She has also faced questions about what her legacy will look like without kids: “I’m focused on building my own legacy — why would I put that pressure onto someone else?”
After Amie’s TikTok went viral, she found a community of thousands of people agreeing with her.
She was ‘mind-blown’ to discover that others felt the same way.
“It’s kind of unfortunate because it’s almost like a lose-lose situation for women,” she said.
“If you choose to not have kids, then there’s a negative stigma attached to that — you’re selfish. Equally, if you choose to have kids and be a stay-at-home mom, then that’s frowned upon — you should be going out and being a boss babe making money.”
Amie and Erik have spent the last three summers traveling in Europe, visiting places like Paris, St. Tropez, and Sicily. “One of the less obvious things that I really value is that my husband and I have been able to really focus on each other and build a strong relationship and marriage.”
“What I’ve seen happen a lot of times is that people get married, have kids, and then their focus transfers to their children rather than their partner. For me, I always dreamed about finding my partner, and so being able to have the time and space to do that and live out our dreams in Hawaii is really the dream I had for my life.”
Amie’s typical child-free day in the life:
Most mornings, I don’t have an alarm — I wake up when I wake up.
I love having a slow morning. I usually eat breakfast outside and have coffee.
Then I’ll go to either a Pilates or yoga class or go for a walk.
I’ll come home and do a little work — film a few videos for TikTok or YouTube. I’m usually done working by 1 or 2 pm.
Then I will go shopping with a friend or go to the spa. Sometimes, I’ll just take a nap!
At night, my husband and I will walk down to the beach with the dog and watch the sunset.
Then I’ll cook dinner and watch reality TV — I love anything Bravo-related, especially Real Housewives!
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