A woman has been backed for offering another mom some advice to help with her daughter’s hair.
She took to the popular ‘AmItheA******’ forum on Reddit to explain that her 9-year-old daughter has made a new friend who is a Black girl adopted by white parents.
After spending time together, u/ Slight_Beginning6445 and her family noticed that the girl’s hair was not being properly maintained. Her husband’s Black grandmother, who lives with them, pointed it out and offered to give advice or help with the detangling.
The woman declined to offer the mom assistance from her grandmother-in-law. However, the friend’s mother didn’t take it well.
“The mom was really upset that I would suggest she couldn’t take care of her daughter properly and that I was overstepping boundaries,” the original poster (OP) wrote.
The friend’s mother reportedly said she wasn’t the first person to bring up the subject and felt insulted, accusing the OP of undermining her parenting. Now, the Redditor worries she may have damaged her daughter’s friendship.
“I understand why she’s upset at thinking I’m trying to suggest she’s not looking after her daughter properly,” she wrote.
“On the other hand, it’s 2024. There is so much information out there to help her with her daughter’s hair plus we live near a big city where there [are] loads of salons she could take her daughter to,” she said.
Newsweek spoke to Fleur East, who co-founded the haircare brand Kurl Kitchen with her sister, Keisha. East, who is of dual heritage with a Ghanaian mother and a white British father, explained that their parents also struggled with styling their hair.
East said that the OP could have asked the mom what her daughter’s current haircare routine looks like and suggested some products.
“It’s a sensitive topic, and you never know how others may react to an innocent approach of wanting to help. It’s not what you say; it’s how you say it,” she told Newsweek.
East acknowledged that the friend’s mother might feel especially defensive, considering she’s raising a child of a different race.
“Always approach situations like this with care and in a subtle way and leave the door open for the person you want to help to feel confident that they can ask you. It’s hard when you’re not sure how to treat your child’s hair, and the knowledge and education doesn’t always appear available to everyone,” she said.
Since the time of writing, the OP’s post has received 12,000 upvotes and hundreds of comments, many of which shared their struggles with having hair that requires a specialist in multi-textured hair.
One Redditor explained that her niece’s hair is curlier than most of her mom’s side. “When I was babysitting her more, I went to a Black salon to learn how to handle her hair. I was so scared I’d hurt her when combing it. They helped a lot. Those ladies are still the best,” they wrote.
The most-liked comment came from u/Scary-Welder8404, declaring her not the a******, assuming the haircare advice was given in a private setting. “That woman needs to learn to love her daughter more than her pride. Her daughter’s hair is different than hers and it requires different skills and tools to care for,” they wrote.
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