When two families—one without grandparents, the other without grandchildren—found each other online, neither expected the relationship to become one of the most meaningful in their lives.
For 64-year-old Deborah Whatley, joining the Facebook group called Surrogate Grandparent in 2019 was an attempt to fill a painful gap.
She had always hoped to be an involved presence in her biological grandchildren’s lives, but complicated family circumstances made that unlikely. A 2025 YouGov poll found that 16 percent of American adults are estranged from a parent, and those in that situation are nearly twice as likely to say they ended the relationship themselves than to say the parent did.
Whatley told Newsweek that she needed another way to experience that role, so she turned to the surrogate grandparents community—an online search that ended up transforming everything. That is where she met the Nelsons.
A Connection That Felt Instantly Natural
Whatley and her husband Lloyd first connected with Kristen, 39, and Josh Nelson in August 2024, and the relationship blossomed quickly.
“We’ve met up more times than I can count,” Whatley said. The families text weekly, exchange photos, and meet in person every four to six weeks—sometimes more.
When the Nelsons visit Huntsville, Alabama, they stay with the Whatleys, packing whole weekends with activities and downtime together.
When the Whatleys drive to see them in Tyler, Texas, they stay at a nearby hotel. Soon, they will be even closer to the Nelsons’ eldest daughter, Kambry, as she is set to join Texas A&M University in fall 2026, just a short drive from the Whatleys’ home.
For Whatley, the experience has been “a pivotal life‑changing blessing.”
She added: “I just wanted to feel included. I have the time, the energy, and the desire. Discovering the surrogate grandparents group instantly brought light back into a part of my life that had turned dark.”
She describes the Nelsons as “genuine, kind‑hearted and warm‑spirited,” adding that the kids each have “their own unique, special personality.”
A Surrogate Family That Feels Like the Real Thing
Nelson joined the same Facebook group years earlier, in 2018. After losing her biological mother and navigating difficult relationships with other relatives, she felt she needed strong parental figures—not only for her children but also for herself.
“I’ve never had a solid family unit,” Nelson told Newsweek. “It has been such a breath of fresh air to have normal grandparents for my kids and parent figures for myself.”
The families live just over two hours apart, but neither feels the distance. “The drive is easy, and it never feels that far,” Nelson said.
Her children now run toward the couple with the enthusiasm of grandchildren who have known their grandparents all their lives.
The visits aren’t just occasional get-togethers—they’ve become woven into the rhythm of each family’s life.
Whatley even stayed with Nelson and her youngest child over the summer while the rest of the Nelson family was away at church camp.
“It was wonderful having her there with my youngest during the day while I was at work,” Nelson said.
Support From Nearly Everyone—Except the People Who Started the Heartache
Most people close to the Whatleys have been overwhelmingly supportive. “My friends and family are very encouraging,” Whatley said.
Many who know the emotional backstory have been especially happy that she has found “chosen family” through the group.
Nelson added: “My friends have been supportive of this process and thought it was a very interesting way to meet and develop this type of relationship.
“You’d never know that we met on a Facebook group!”
A New Version of Family
What began as a hopeful search in a Facebook group has become something deeper and far more enduring. Both families say they can’t imagine life without the other now.
“We’re very grateful for every moment we get to spend with them,” Whatley said.
Nelson echoed the sentiment: “My friends ask about Deborah and Lloyd as if they’ve always been our family—and honestly, it feels like they have.”
For these two families, a simple online connection didn’t just fill a void. It created a bond that feels every bit as real as family should.
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