Enough is enough.
Keeping an eye out for red flags when dating is one thing — but now some daters of the digital age are sparing themselves from a future heartbreak by cutting off potential suitors early on for what some might consider to be very minor things.
The “cut them off theory” is a new trend circulating on social media where people are breaking things off with their lover if that person cannot meet their “small needs.”
Their thought process is that if they are this way early on, things will only get worse down the line.
Which, in theory, is a good mindset to have.
Yet, are some being too nitpicky?
“Last year I was seeing someone that I really liked and I cut him off because he didn’t wish me a safe flight,” admitted content creator @heyphatty in a viral TikTok video.
“A big thing for me is consideration and general care. I think I like a person who is very intentional with how they treat you because I am that way with people I love and am acquainted to,” the woman explained.
Based on the thousands of comments on this video, this content creator isn’t the only one who takes this approach when dating.
“He texted me pics of the cookies his mom baked for Christmas. Then came to my house the next day without a single cookie. Bye,” wrote one commenter.
“He didn’t wish me happy birthday,” another comment read with an added scissor emoji to indicate she cut this guy right off after ignoring her birthday.
Another person shared this doosy: “He made himself a coffee in his kitchen right in front of me and didn’t make me one or even offer.”
“Nah, if he is not consistent. I cut them off immediately. Hate to waste time,” another frustrated dater chimed in.
“I cut him off when he didn’t make sure I got home safe after our date, cause my future husband would never,” someone else wrote.
It’s important to have high standards for yourself, especially in the discouraging dating world of today — however, this zero-tolerance mindset might be causing more harm than good.
“This [cut them off] theory is impacting people who are afraid of getting in another abusive relationship. They don’t want to be hurt again so they cut off the moment they see a hint of something because of this fear,” Angelika Koch, a relationship and breakup expert at Taimi, explained.
“What they need to keep in mind is that their perspective might change with some active and healthy communication and what appears to be a red flag might not be that at all, it might just be a momentary lapse of judgment or misunderstanding.”
Koch said having a zero tolerance approach to dating is unrealistic. “Everyone has things they need to work on and work through. There should always be a zero tolerance for abuse, but not for mistakes. Everyone makes them.”
If you see some behavior you’re not too keen on, Koch said to “Reflect on how the action impacted you before you react to it.”
“Once you have reflected, ask your partner questions to make sure you clearly understand their side of what happened. Once you know their side, explain how their actions impacted you and what you need from them moving forward,” she added.
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