A woman is winning waves of support online for how she ended a relationship with her “frenemy” who repeatedly questioned her decision not to have children.
Reddit user suzy9mm, a 37-year-old woman, explained that over the course of several years, her friend regularly told her she was “broken”, “weird” and would, “change [her] mind,” about not wanting kids.
‘Ambush’
For a long time, the original poster (OP) said she downplayed the remarks to preserve the friendship. That changed during a dinner at a friend’s wedding.
“The final throwdown,” the OP told Redditors, “At our friend’s wedding of all places, she decides to ambush me again.
“This time at the dinner table with my partner, a combination of our other friends and complete strangers, who are all trying to hear the speeches.”
When confronted once more, the friend leaned across the table and said, “Well, I hope you get pregnant.”
That’s when user suzy9mm replied loudly, “Why would you wish I’d have to get an abortion! That’s so f***** up to wish on someone!”
She wrote that the friend turned red and left the table, returning later to a cold meal.
The OP then laid out, once again, why she didn’t want children, citing personal trauma and genetic risks.
Responses Under Similar Pressures
“I don’t know why so many people wish unwanted pregnancies on others,” one of more than 250 Reddit comments remarked.
Some contributors described their own responses to similar pressures.
“A friend with kids once said to me (childless by choice), ‘What if you accidentally got pregnant? Your baby would be so cute!’ My response was, ‘If I accidentally got pregnant, I’d have an abortion.’ She looked shocked and changed the subject.”
Another person recalled using sarcasm to disarm the conversation.
“I remember my cousin asking me when I was going to have kids. I said, ‘When the archangel Michael comes down to speak to me.’ She backed away slowly.”
In response to the situation, Diane Gottsman, an etiquette expert and the founder of the Protocol School of Texas, told Newsweek that, “Everyone has their own reasons for choosing not to have children…This person who continued to harass her friend about being childless is not a friend.”
Gottsman also noted that the friend’s decision to bring the questions up again during a wedding showed, “a lack of compassion, good judgement and self-management skills.”
She continued: “While the woman feeling ambushed responded in anger, her silence would been just as powerful.
“The other person’s behavior said it all. Lack of self control and awareness, forcing your opinion on someone else, is never appreciated or appropriate when it comes to babies, families, sickness, or politics.”
Child-Free Choices
Matters surrounding child-free choices have made headlines before.
Newsweek reported on a child-free woman who said she was too “selfish” to have children, prompting praise from others who appreciated her apparent honesty.
Another Newsweek story reported on a woman who said she was blocked by her two sisters after sharing her reasoning for being child-free.
In that case, the woman valued her own freedom and did not want to take on the sacrifices required for parenting—especially considering her family’s history of physical and mental disabilities.
Newsweek was unable to contact suzy9mm for comment via Reddit.
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