A Gen Z man has revealed the unique thing he and his girlfriend do once a month to keep their relationship happy and healthy.
George Hearn, a U.K. man living in Australia with girlfriend Ellie, took to TikTok, posting as @georgie_hearn to reveal how, after two and a half years together, they have “never had an argument.”
Hearn puts some of that down to the fact they conduct a “monthly relationship review.” These reviews focus on three key aspects.
“Broadly we follow the Glows/ Grows/ Goals structure,” Hearn told Newsweek. “Questions might be going through what you’ve appreciated from the other person in the past month, what you’d appreciate next month and then checking in on progress against goals!”
A Cambridge University graduate who previously spent four years living and working in London in strategy consulting, Hearn is now a full-time life coach, after deciding to forgo a career in the corporate world for “something more fulfilling.”
“I wanted to combine my skills with my enthusiasm for helping others. I had always loved teaching and consulting but wasn’t sure what to do,” Hearn said.
Having been told by several people that he would thrive as a life coach, Hearn set his skepticism aside to undertake a qualification. After enjoying success with a handful of “test” clients earlier this year, he decided to take the leap into doing it full-time.
The idea for the monthly reviews felt like a natural progression from what Hearn has learned from his experience in the world of work.
“I’ve always been into self development and would say I’m a lifelong learner,” he said. “I’ve read a lot about communication, love languages and building healthy relationships.”
Though Hearn says he has always been “conscious of aspiring to good communication” in his personal life, the tools he has developed as a life coach have proved invaluable.
“A lot of my coaching revolves around helping young professionals take learnings from the corporate world and apply them to their personal lives,” he said. “As such, the monthly cadence is, I guess, another way I’ve modelled the structure of work reviews and applied it to my relationship.”
Hearn’s approach may be unique, but he’s right to place an emphasis on good communication in his relationship with Ellie. In 2017, an analysis by researchers from University College London as part of a National Survey of Sexual Attitudes and Lifestyles concluded that communication problems were one of the most common reasons given for the breakdown of marriages and live-in partnerships in the U.K.
Hearn has no doubt about the “positive role” they have played in his and Ellie’s relationship. “I can’t see any way in which talking through your grows, glows and goals could be negative, unless you weren’t talking constructively,” he said. “Moreover, the very act of just setting aside time to check in each month and nurture the relationship is key, even if there were no structure.”
Hearn originally posted the video opening up about how the review process works after being asked by several friends. The clip has gone viral, amassing 1.6 million views on TikTok alone, as well as over 1,100 comments.
While the vast majority have been positive, there have been some naysayers leaving sarcastic remarks in the comments section. “Do you do a risk assessment before you go out together for the day?” one asked, with another writing: “What’s your KPI’s going into next quarter?”
Hearn prefers to focus on the positive responses noting that “even if only one person found it useful I’d say that would make posting worthwhile.”
“These [negative comments] don’t affect me in the slightest—in the same way I wouldn’t get upset by someone saying they don’t like my blue hair—as I don’t have blue hair,” he said. “These people don’t know me and were often saying offensive things and so are not the type of people whose opinions I value.”
Hearn does, however, feel these offensive responses reflect “broader issues of toxic and fragile masculinity” that need to be addressed.
“Part of the issues men face today come from how it is not seen as ‘masculine’ to be empathetic, or to really listen to people and share your feelings,” he said. “I think a world where guys can be ‘man enough’ to listen to their partners and express how they feel without being aggressive would be much better for everyone!
Ultimately, he hopes any couples watching the video are encouraged to find a way to communicate better. “It’s easy to be ‘too busy’ to voice things and this can lead to things bottling up and leading to resentment and feeling not understood and this limits that,” he said.
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